So for a few days I have been thinking about my dad a lot. For those who may not know my daddy passed away Sept 19, 2005. Its been awhile now and it still feels like yesterday to me. I miss him soooo much. There are times where I will just cry myself to sleep because I miss him so. When I am having a bad day and I feel like the ugliest girl alive hes not there anymore to tell me I am the most beautiful thing God ever created. It pisses me off that he's gone... its not fair.... I really feel he had more to do. I have been thinking about him so much lately. Yesterday I made the mistake of watching a DVD I have of a picture sideshow of him. Yeah.. made me ball my eyes out (didn't make me feel better at all). Its weird because sometimes I still think he's here then I realize when I want to tell him something I get reminded I cant call.... cause he wont answer. I just wish that I would done more with him. But his health wouldn't allow him to be out much.
I do have a lot of great memories though. He's the reason I am such a goofy dork. He's the reason I act like such a big kid. He was a big kid himself at heart. He always enforced never growing up. "Didn't I tell you to stop growing up!! NO MORE BIRTHDAYS!!" He was my Peter Pan. I don't think he knew it but he was. Even though I was growing up whenever I came around daddy he brought the little girl with piggy tails out of me. It never failed. My Peter Pan is my daddy and I will forever be a little girl at heart.
Its so amazing to me to see father/daughter relationships. I see fathers and daughters at the park, the store, the movies etc. It makes me smile, makes me sad and envious all at the same time. But then there are people that have there dad and treat him like poo or don't talk to him or have anything to do with him. Some people don't realize how lucky they are to have their dad around still. If I could just have a few more days or hours even.... I would die for it. It's so selfish of me to want him back but I guess I am daddy's spoiled little girl because I DO WANT HIM BACK ..yesterday, today and tomorrow. But I know with this I will never get my way. Wow I sound like such a downer. I'm sorry. It's just how Ive been feeling and thinking.
I haven't really talked to anyone about my feelings about this at all. My family is not the sharing emotions type. Be strong.. no crying.. get through it type. All boys in my family. Go figure. So I write about it every now and then.
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